Long overdue...

Well goodness, it seems that it's been a while since my last blog.  I'll blame it on life. 

I went out to dinner with a friend of mine (from middle school and high school) a couple weeks ago.  We had a really good conversation.  She's been a housewife for a little over a year.  She is currently going through certifications to be a Community Patrol officer for her neighborhood.  Listening to her tell me about all the classes she is taking and what she will be doing once she is certified was so exciting.  She spent the last year trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life.  She has two degrees (undergrad and a masters) but didn't know what she wanted to be when she "grew up".  Which got me thinking, what do I want to be when I grow up?  I've always wanted to be a mom.  Always.  When I was in elementary school I dreamed of getting married, having kids and being a stay at home mom.  Check, check and check.  Although, don't tell my dad that, he would be disappointed that he spent so much money on my college education.  Ha! 

Some days I wonder what I'm doing with my life. When I run into people from my past and they ask "What's new?" I don't really have an answer.  Because there isn't anything new.  It's the same old stuff every day.  I mean, sure there's variation to my days (do I go to Publix today or Target?).  But for the most part, it's the same old same old.  The kids wake up, I get them breakfast, I help them get dressed, I make Katie's lunch, I take Katie to preschool, Ellie and I run errands (or go home and hang out), I make Ellie's lunch, we pick up Katie from school, we run errands, I put the kids down for nap/quiet time, I clean the house, I make dinner, the hubs comes home, we eat dinner, we hang out as a family, we put the kids to bed, etc, etc, etc.   The weekends are spent running errands and/or hanging out as a family.  That's my life, at least for the forseeable future.  So I wonder is staying home with two small children enough?

My friend told me that night, that was I was doing - raising two children to be well adjusted human beings- was important.  I know that.  It is very important.  Teaching my girls how to be compassionate, thoughtful, caring members of society is my job right now.  I am doing the very best that I can...but I sometimes miss working outside of the home.  I definitely miss bringing home a paycheck.  I miss adult interaction on a daily basis.  I miss critical thinking.  I miss having an identity outside of being Katie and Ellie's mom.  At times, I feel like *I* get lost.  For all those reasons, I'm so glad that I get my nights out with my friends, or my afternoons away to myself.  It's so nice to recharge as just me, where I don't have to cut up my kids' food before I can eat mine, where I can just do things for me.   I don't want to come across like I am whining about my life or even that I have a case of the "poor me's".  I love my girls and my family.  I am very grateful that my husband makes enough money for me to stay home with my girls.  My girls make me laugh on a daily basis and I cherish all those precious moments when they are just as sweet as they can be. I sometimes wonder if it's the whole "the grass is greener" because I'm sure that if I had to work outside of the home, I would be wishing that I was home with the girls. 

I think about the future, when the girls are in school.  What am I going to do? I really don't know.  I could do the "volunteer at their school/PTA thing" or I could get a part time job, or maybe a full time job?  I really don't know.  I don't know if I would be good at the PTA thing.  I'm fairly introverted and not very good at the chit chat with other mom's at Katie's preschool, so I don't know how I would do.  My degree is in political science and I've always been interested in government, the law, and criminal justice.  At dinner the other night, my friend mentioned paralegal work.  It piqued my curiosity and I looked into it.  So that's an option too.  But I have several years until I need to make a decision.  So in the mean time, I will continue doing what I do- raising my little girls and deciding between going to Target or story time at the library.